Here’s a focused list of **communication skills tips from Chris Voss**, based on *Never Split the Difference*, his FBI hostage negotiation background, and interviews/podcasts. Voss blends **tactical empathy**, **psychology**, and **frictionless persuasion**—especially in tense or high-stakes situations. --- ### **1. Mirror** Repeat the last 1–3 words the other person said. **Tip:** Use a calm, upward tone. It makes people elaborate, giving you more info and control. --- ### **2. Label Emotions** Use phrases like: > “It seems like…” > “It sounds like…” > “It looks like…” **Tip:** Name what they’re feeling. Don’t say *you’re angry*—say *it seems like this situation is frustrating.* It lowers their guard. --- ### **3. Get to “That’s Right,” Not “You’re Right”** “You’re right” ends conversations. “That’s right” means they feel fully understood. **Tip:** Reframe what they said better than they did. Aim for: > “That’s right.” Then pitch. --- ### **4. Use Calibrated Questions** Ask how and what questions: > “How am I supposed to do that?” > “What’s the biggest challenge here?” **Tip:** These shift the pressure back to them without confrontation. --- ### **5. Slow Down the Pace** Voss says *slowing down is how you gain control.* **Tip:** Speak slower. Pause more. Drag out the conversation. Fast talking triggers defense. --- ### **6. Use the Late-Night FM DJ Voice** Calm, downward tone. Almost sleepy. **Tip:** Lower your voice during high emotion. It de-escalates instantly. --- ### **7. Practice Tactical Empathy, Not Sympathy** You don’t have to agree. You just need to demonstrate understanding. **Tip:** Show them they’ve been heard. That’s usually enough to move forward. --- ### **8. Never Say “I Understand”** Voss says this is weak and insincere. **Tip:** Show understanding through paraphrasing and labeling—not hollow phrases. --- ### **9. Use Silence Like a Weapon** After a label or calibrated question, shut up. **Tip:** Stay silent. Let discomfort force the other person to speak more. --- ### **10. Avoid Saying “No” Directly—Use “How” and “What” Instead** Rather than rejecting a demand: > “How am I supposed to do that?” **Tip:** It buys time and puts pressure on them to rethink the ask. --- ### **11. Ask for Permission to Say No** > “Do you mind if I say no?” This creates agreement before rejection. **Tip:** Pre-softens hard conversations. --- ### **12. Trigger a “No” to Build Control** People feel safe when they say no. **Tip:** Instead of asking “Is this a good time?” ask: > “Is now a bad time?” Instead of “Do you agree?” ask: > “Would it be ridiculous to consider…?” --- ### **13. Use Accusation Audits** List all the negative things they *might* be thinking about you *before* they bring it up. **Tip:** Say: > “You’re probably thinking I’m being pushy…” It neutralizes objections before they’re spoken. --- ### **14. Create the Illusion of Control** Let them talk more, but guide them. **Tip:** Ask open-ended *what* and *how* questions. Then listen, take notes, and redirect. --- ### **15. Always Be Willing to Walk Away** He calls it “no deal is better than a bad deal.” **Tip:** Communicate calm detachment. Desperation kills leverage. --- ### **16. Don’t Compromise—Uncover Hidden Information Instead** Voss says compromise often hides lazy thinking. **Tip:** Instead of meeting halfway, dig deeper. Ask: > “What would make this a home run for you?” --- ### **17. Make the Other Side Feel Safe to Tell You the Truth** Fear of conflict leads people to hide the real issue. **Tip:** Use labeling and calibrated questions to reduce their fear and increase honesty. --- ### **18. Use “Fair” to Trigger or Disarm** People have emotional reactions to the word “fair.” **Tip:** Say: > “I want this to feel fair to you.” Or use it to call out manipulation: > “It sounds like you’re saying this is unfair…” --- ### **19. Anchor Emotions Before You Anchor Numbers** Before discussing terms or prices, manage the emotional state. **Tip:** Use labels, mirrors, and accusations audits to lower resistance. --- ### **20. Use “What’s the Problem I’m Trying to Solve?” as a Filter** Voss encourages clarity before speaking or acting. **Tip:** If you don’t know the core issue, don’t talk. Ask questions first. --- ### **21. Use a “No-Oriented” Question to Trigger Honest Feedback** Instead of “Do you agree?” ask: > “Would you be against this?” **Tip:** A “no” answer is psychologically safer than a “yes.” --- ### **22. Don’t Push for “Yes” Too Early** Voss calls early “yes” a trap. **Tip:** Get “no” first. Then work toward “That’s right.” Only push for “yes” when all objections are cleared. --- ### **23. Label Positive Emotions Too** People assume labels are for negativity, but they also reinforce positive frames. **Tip:** Say: > “It sounds like this solution makes you feel more confident.” It increases buy-in. --- ### **24. Use Time Pressure Without Threats** Create urgency without sounding aggressive. **Tip:** Ask: > “What happens if we don’t solve this by Friday?” Let them create the urgency themselves. --- ### **25. Let the Other Person Name the Deal** Voss lets the other side propose the terms first. **Tip:** Ask: > “What would be a good outcome for you?” This gives you data and makes them feel in control. --- ### **26. Repeat Key Labels or Words Later to Reframe the Talk** He listens early, then repeats phrases strategically later. **Tip:** Use *their* words when closing or redirecting. It builds subconscious trust. --- ### **27. End Conversations Gracefully with Future Anchors** Never just say “thanks.” **Tip:** End with: > “What should we both do next to keep this moving?” or > “What’s the next step on your end?” --- ### **28. Treat Every Conversation Like a Test for Long-Term Trust** Voss emphasizes consistency over one-time wins. **Tip:** Avoid short-term tricks. Build a rep for being calm, clear, and trustworthy—even under pressure. --- ### **29. Use “You’ve Got the Right to Say No” to Disarm Pushback** It lowers pressure and invites honest feedback. **Tip:** Say: > “You’re free to say no at any time. I just want to explore what’s possible.” --- ### **30. Practice Cold Reads to Build Instant Rapport** He reads tone, hesitation, pauses, and energy shifts. **Tip:** Pay attention to what’s *not* being said. Then label it gently. ---