Here’s a fresh list of **20 communication tips from Neil Strauss**, author of *The Game*, *Rules of the Game*, *The Truth*, and a top ghostwriter and interviewer. His style blends **deep listening, social calibration, storytelling, emotional reading, and nonverbal communication**.

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### **1. Get Them Talking About Themselves**
People feel understood when they talk about *themselves*.  
**Tip:** Ask questions that unlock stories, not facts.  
> “What was that like for you?”

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### **2. Use Cold Reading to Build Instant Rapport**
Guess something about them based on observation. If you’re wrong, they’ll correct you—and *still engage*.  
**Tip:** Say:  
> “You seem like someone who…”  
to spark a personal reaction.

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### **3. Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting**
After a good question or insight, **shut up**.  
**Tip:** Wait through the awkward pause. That’s when the truth comes out.

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### **4. Disarm With Vulnerability**
Strauss uses real confessions to lower defenses.  
**Tip:** Share something honest, flawed, or personal.  
It gives permission for real talk.

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### **5. Match Their Energy, Then Lead**
Start by mirroring how they talk, then shift the tone.  
**Tip:** If they’re quiet, don’t blast them with hype. Warm up gradually.

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### **6. Reward Their Honesty**
When someone opens up, **don’t judge** or tease.  
**Tip:** Say:  
> “I appreciate you saying that.”  
Make truth feel safe.

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### **7. Frame Everything With Intent**
Strauss teaches to “pre-frame” conversations to control context.  
**Tip:** Before asking something deep, say:  
> “This might sound weird, but I’m curious…”

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### **8. Ask Unusual Questions**
Normal questions = boring answers.  
**Tip:** Ask:  
> “What’s something you’ve never told anyone but want to?”  
Or:  
> “What would make this conversation unforgettable?”

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### **9. Use Push-Pull Dynamics**
Create playful tension: interest + challenge.  
**Tip:**  
> “You’re fun to talk to… but I’m still figuring you out.”  
It keeps attention.

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### **10. Be the Observer, Not the Judge**
Strauss frames curiosity without labeling.  
**Tip:** Say:  
> “That’s interesting. Tell me more about why you think that.”  
Not:  
> “That’s wrong.”

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### **11. Calibrate to Reactions**
He teaches reading subtle shifts in tone, body, and eye contact.  
**Tip:** Watch *how* they say things. Adjust in real time.

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### **12. Tell Personal Stories With a Lesson**
Strauss doesn’t preach. He narrates.  
**Tip:** Share your failures and what you learned—not as advice, but as *a journey*.

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### **13. Keep the Spotlight Moving**
Don’t dominate the story. Don’t make them carry it all.  
**Tip:** Alternate:  
You talk → they react → they talk → you build.  
Like tennis.

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### **14. Close Loops Later in the Conversation**
Tease something earlier, resolve it later.  
**Tip:**  
> “Remind me to tell you the weird part about that…”  
It creates tension and engagement.

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### **15. Use the Environment**
Strauss often comments on the setting to steer conversation naturally.  
**Tip:** Say:  
> “This place is intense—feels like something out of a movie…”  
Let that lead to deeper talk.

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### **16. Spot Their Core Emotional Drivers**
What do they crave—validation, freedom, certainty?  
**Tip:** Listen for repeating patterns in what excites or frustrates them.

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### **17. Shift From Logical to Emotional**
Facts don’t move people. **Feelings** do.  
**Tip:** Ask:  
> “How did that *feel* when it happened?”  
not just  
> “What happened?”

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### **18. Make Every Interaction Count**
Strauss says treat each interaction like it matters—because it does.  
**Tip:** Enter each conversation with the mindset:  
> “What can I leave this person with?”

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### **19. Practice in the Real World**
He tested everything in live conversations, not in theory.  
**Tip:** Practice asking better questions in real time—not in a journal.

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### **20. Write the Way You Speak. Speak the Way You Think.**
His writing and conversations feel natural because they **are**.  
**Tip:** Drop formal language. Use real words.  
If it sounds fake, rewrite it.

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