Here’s a focused breakdown of **communication skills tips from Stephen Covey**, mainly from *The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People* and *Principle-Centered Leadership*. Covey was less flashy but extremely strategic—his communication advice cuts deep when applied. --- ### **1. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood** *(Habit 5)* This is Covey’s clearest communication principle. **Tip:** Stop planning your reply while they’re talking. Listen fully. Clarify their message *before* stating yours. --- ### **2. Practice Empathic Listening, Not Just Active Listening** Covey made a distinction—empathic listening means feeling *with* the speaker. **Tip:** Reflect their emotions, not just their words. “You sound frustrated,” not just “So you’re saying…” --- ### **3. Rephrase, Reflect, and Reframe Before You Respond** He taught a methodical way of listening and replying. **Tip:** Repeat their point in your own words before giving input. Builds trust and clarity. --- ### **4. Focus on the Circle of Influence, Not the Circle of Concern** Worrying about things outside your control leads to reactive, emotional communication. **Tip:** Speak on what you *can* change. Don’t waste energy on things you can’t. --- ### **5. Build Win-Win Conversations** *(Habit 4)* Covey avoided win-lose and lose-win patterns. **Tip:** Frame your point in a way that considers the other person’s benefit too. Push for *mutual wins.* --- ### **6. Use Character Before Technique** Covey believed *who you are* speaks louder than how you say it. **Tip:** Fix your integrity. Don’t try to “say the right thing” if you don’t live it. --- ### **7. Pause Before Reacting** He pushed for a gap between stimulus and response. **Tip:** Take a beat. Respond with intention, not emotion. --- ### **8. Communicate Based on Principles, Not Manipulation** He despised shallow persuasion tactics. **Tip:** Be clear about your values. Let people see that your message has long-term intent. --- ### **9. Use “Mature” Language—High Courage, High Consideration** Covey defined mature people as those who balance strength with respect. **Tip:** Say hard things clearly but kindly. Don’t avoid the truth or crush people with it. --- ### **10. Don’t Confuse Being Right with Being Effective** He emphasized understanding others before asserting your correctness. **Tip:** Let people feel heard *before* you try to prove your point. --- ### **11. Communicate to Align, Not to Control** He encouraged alignment around shared values and outcomes. **Tip:** Use “let’s,” “together,” and “what do you think?” instead of commands. --- ### **12. Use Your Daily Private Victory to Improve Public Communication** *(Habit 1–3)* Covey taught that personal clarity improves outward expression. **Tip:** Get your own mind in order first. Clear communication starts with a clear internal compass. --- ### **13. Clarify Expectations Up Front** He considered unclear expectations a major source of conflict. **Tip:** Say exactly what you expect. Ask what they expect in return. --- ### **14. Establish Trust First, Then Influence** Covey saw trust as the foundation of all real communication. **Tip:** Earn trust over time. Don’t push ideas before credibility is earned. --- ### **15. Let the Other Person Be the Expert of Their Experience** He saw people as naturally creative and resourceful. **Tip:** Don’t lecture. Ask questions that let them discover their own answers. --- ### **16. Begin With the End in Mind—In Conversations Too** *(Habit 2)* He teaches to start everything with a clear vision. **Tip:** Know what outcome you want *before* opening your mouth. Don’t talk just to talk. --- ### **17. Communicate Roles and Goals Clearly in Every Relationship** Covey believed most relationship breakdowns come from unclear expectations. **Tip:** Define who does what, by when, and why. Confirm understanding out loud. --- ### **18. Use Agreements, Not Just Rules** He pushed for mutually understood and accepted agreements. **Tip:** Don’t just hand down rules. Involve the other person in crafting what success looks like. --- ### **19. Don’t Speak From Ego or Emotion** He saw reactivity as dangerous. **Tip:** If you’re angry, wait. Don’t let emotional spikes shape your message. --- ### **20. Use “I” Language Over “You” Language** Helps reduce defensiveness. **Tip:** Say “I feel like something’s off here” instead of “You always mess this up.” --- ### **21. Build Emotional Bank Accounts With People** Covey compared trust to a bank account—you deposit with positive actions, withdraw during conflict. **Tip:** Compliment, support, and check in regularly so people trust you when it’s time to give hard feedback. --- ### **22. Speak in Terms of Contribution, Not Control** He encourages asking: *How can I help?* instead of *How can I make them do this?* **Tip:** Offer support instead of pushing commands. Ask “Where can I be useful?” --- ### **23. Communicate Your Intentions Openly** Hidden motives destroy trust. **Tip:** Say what you want, why you want it, and what matters to you. Don’t play games. --- ### **24. Make Listening a Discipline, Not a Technique** Covey didn’t see listening as a trick. He saw it as part of your identity. **Tip:** Become a person who *defaults* to listening before responding. --- ### **25. Avoid Labeling, Diagnosing, or Judging People Mid-Talk** He warned that judging too early closes your mind. **Tip:** Drop the urge to fix or categorize the person. Just *listen.* --- ### **26. Don’t Interrupt the Process of Self-Discovery** He taught that lasting change comes from within. **Tip:** Use questions to help people discover their own insights. Don’t force the “lesson.” --- ### **27. Use High Trust Language** Trust speeds up communication. **Tip:** Say things like: “I trust you to handle this,” or “I know you’ll do what’s right.” --- ### **28. Protect the Relationship Even During Conflict** He didn’t separate results from relationships. **Tip:** When disagreeing, say things like: “I want to get through this *with* you, not at your expense.” --- ### **29. Lead Conversations with Principles, Not Emotions or Power** Covey grounded discussions in fairness, integrity, and responsibility. **Tip:** Reference shared values. Say “What’s the right thing here?” not “Who’s in charge?” --- ### **30. Clarify, Don’t Assume** He believed assumptions break more deals than disagreements. **Tip:** Repeat back what you heard. Ask, “Is that what you meant?” ---