Here’s a focused list of **communication and negotiation tips from William Ury**, based on *Getting to Yes*, *Getting Past No*, and *The Power of a Positive No*. Ury’s work focuses on **conflict resolution**, **mutual gain**, and **saying no without ruining relationships**. His strength lies in calm, clear, principled communication—especially under pressure. --- ### **1. Go to the Balcony** *(Get Some Distance)* Before reacting, pause and mentally “go to the balcony” to observe without emotion. **Tip:** Don’t reply immediately when provoked. Take a breath. Think strategically, not emotionally. --- ### **2. Separate the People From the Problem** Focus on the issue, not personalities. **Tip:** Say: > “Let’s look at the facts together,” not > “You’re being unreasonable.” --- ### **3. Focus on Interests, Not Positions** Don’t argue over fixed demands. Ask what they *really* want underneath. **Tip:** Instead of fighting over “price,” ask: > “What’s most important to you in this deal?” --- ### **4. Invent Options for Mutual Gain** Brainstorm multiple solutions without committing too early. **Tip:** Frame it as *joint problem-solving*, not haggling. Say: > “Let’s list a few options before deciding.” --- ### **5. Use Objective Criteria to De-Escalate** Refer to outside standards—market rates, legal norms, expert opinions—to reduce conflict. **Tip:** Say: > “Let’s look at industry benchmarks to guide us.” It removes ego from the discussion. --- ### **6. Say “Yes-No-Yes” to Set Boundaries With Respect** *(Positive No)* This is Ury’s signature method for saying no constructively. **Tip:** - **Yes (to your values):** “I really value our partnership.” - **No (to their demand):** “I won’t be able to offer that discount.” - **Yes (to a proposal):** “But I can help by offering a longer payment term.” --- ### **7. Don’t React to Provocation—Reframe It** People lash out when they feel unheard. Don’t meet fire with fire. **Tip:** Acknowledge, reframe, and steer the conversation: > “It sounds like you're frustrated. Let’s walk through what we *can* do.” --- ### **8. Use Silence to Defuse Pressure** After you say no, don’t explain too much. Let the silence work. **Tip:** Say your message. Stop talking. Don’t rush to fill the gap. --- ### **9. Step to Their Side** Acknowledge their feelings and perspective before you disagree. **Tip:** Say: > “I see where you’re coming from. That makes sense. Here’s another way to look at it…” --- ### **10. Know Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)** Don’t negotiate blindly. Know your walkaway point. **Tip:** If the deal’s worse than your BATNA, calmly walk away. Say: > “That won’t work for me—but here’s what would.” --- ### **11. Don’t Attack Back—Disarm With Understanding** When someone attacks, it’s often fear or frustration talking. **Tip:** Instead of defending, say: > “Sounds like you’ve been under a lot of pressure.” --- ### **12. Use the “What If?” Question to Unlock Stalemates** “What if” softens firm statements and opens brainstorming. **Tip:** > “What if we handled delivery separately from the core contract?” --- ### **13. Make It Easy for Them to Say Yes** Remove friction. Avoid ego traps. Present options. **Tip:** Use gentle language: > “Would it make sense to try this for a week?” --- ### **14. Avoid Ultimatums—Use Open Choices With Clear Boundaries** Ultimatums provoke power struggles. **Tip:** Instead of “Take it or leave it,” say: > “Here are two ways we could move forward. Which works better for you?” --- ### **15. Recenter on Shared Goals** When things get tense, zoom out. **Tip:** Say: > “We both want this project to succeed—let’s figure out how to get there.” --- ### **16. Build a Golden Bridge** *(Help Them Save Face)* When people feel cornered, they resist—even if you’re right. **Tip:** Don’t force them to surrender. Instead, create an exit path that lets them feel like it was their idea. Say: > “This solution came from what you said earlier…” --- ### **17. Reframe “No” as “Not Yet”** Ury teaches to treat rejection as part of the process. **Tip:** When someone refuses, don’t panic. Say: > “What would need to happen for this to make sense down the line?” --- ### **18. Use Strategic Empathy to Influence Without Pressure** You don’t have to agree—but you do need to understand. **Tip:** Say: > “I get why that’s your concern. Let me explain how I’m looking at it.” This invites cooperation instead of resistance. --- ### **19. Repeat Their Position Before Stating Yours** People calm down when they feel heard. **Tip:** Say their point out loud first: > “So you’re saying X because of Y. Makes sense. Now here’s where I’m coming from…” --- ### **20. Let Them Vent—Then Redirect** Suppressing emotion fuels it. Let it burn out. **Tip:** Give space for the rant. Use calm body language. Then shift: > “I appreciate you being honest. Can we look at what’s next?” --- ### **21. Negotiate the Process Before the Content** If talks feel tense, clarify *how* to talk before talking. **Tip:** Say: > “Can we agree on a calm 20-minute discussion and take turns presenting options?” --- ### **22. Ask for Their Advice to Unlock Stubbornness** Even hostile people lower their guard when asked for help. **Tip:** Ask: > “What would you do if you were in my position?” This flips perspective and softens resistance. --- ### **23. Don’t Push—Pull** Ury emphasizes indirect influence over force. **Tip:** Instead of “Here’s what you should do,” try: > “What do you think makes the most sense here?” --- ### **24. Use Process Interrupts to Stop Escalation** If emotions are spiraling, break the cycle. **Tip:** Call a break, suggest a walk, change seats. Say: > “Let’s reset for a moment. I think we’re both trying to get somewhere useful.” --- ### **25. Be Soft on the Person, Hard on the Problem** Don’t make disagreements personal. **Tip:** Say: > “I’m not pushing back on you—I’m pushing on the timeline because of the risk.” --- ### **26. Tell a Story Instead of Making a Demand** Stories shift people’s emotional frame. **Tip:** Say: > “Let me tell you what happened last time we ignored that warning…” --- ### **27. Use “We” Language to Share Ownership** Shifts the frame from competition to collaboration. **Tip:** Say: > “How can *we* make this work for both sides?” --- ### **28. Be Ready to Walk Away—But Don’t Threaten** Ury says quiet strength is more powerful than loud ultimatums. **Tip:** Say: > “I’d love to make this work—but I do have other paths I need to consider.” --- ### **29. Turn Opponents Into Allies by Reframing Roles** Instead of seeing the other side as a threat, reposition them. **Tip:** Say: > “We’re both problem-solvers here. Let’s beat the problem, not each other.” --- ### **30. Practice Your Message Before High-Stakes Talks** Ury trains negotiators to rehearse calmly. **Tip:** Say your key message out loud. Practice your *tone*, *pacing*, and *phrasing*—not just the words. ---